I throw that phrase around a lot “it’s just a season of life” it won’t be like this forever. Something I frequently tell myself when I feel held back or frustrated that I can’t have everything I want right when I want it. My first full year as a SAHM is almost coming to a close and quarantine was NOT at all how I envisioned wrapping up this year.
I follow quite a few accounts on Instagram that make me feel envious. Envious that they are killing these side hustles or goals they aspire to do in life and some days i’m angry that I don’t have the capacity/hustle or whatever it is that I don’t have to make that happen right now. My current “season of life” is to focus on my marriage, be the best mama I can be to my girl, and keep my house somewhat clean. I didn’t quit my teaching career to become a professional crafter/blogger, I really didn’t- but that doesn’t mean it’s not a reality punch in the gut. I would love to be the one with the gorgeous instagram full of the 500 cup orders she fills in a month and a fantastic website, but that is just not in the cards for me right now. Right now anything I do “extra” as a side hustle is completely done at 6 am, nap time or after 9 pm when my toddler isn’t awake and it is HARD. I lost a ridiculous amount of sleep filling back to back 50 cup orders, but it was so gratifying. I desperately miss the feeling of going to work and feeling good at something, which I think most people in the work force totally take for granted, I know I did. I felt confident in teaching, I felt in my element. Nothing knocks you down on your ass faster than a toddler hitting you, arguing over Blippi episodes, or calling you a mean mom all day (hello terrible twos). Now don’t get me wrong SAHM life is full of SO many rewarding moments, and when this season of life passes I truly believe that I will never regret the time that I spent home with any children that we do have. That is precious time that I absolutely cannot get back.
But in the mean time i’m choosing to be honest with myself. I’m choosing to allow myself to feel all the feelings and express them, even if they aren’t good. I’m positive that jealously is not a good color on me and I am sure i’ve seen plenty of pretty quote displays somewhere that says “comparison is the thief of all joy” so someone should just go ahead and gift that to me to hang over my bed……because all I do is compare (don’t we all?) While I never want to squash my dreams of always wanting to be bigger and better at everything I do, but I also want to learn to appreciate all that I have. There are so many moms out there that long to be a SAHM, but can’t financially, or women who are longing to become moms. I am beyond blessed to stay home with my girl and I don’t ever want to take that for granted, there are just parts of me that miss the me that was more than a mom. That felt like an amazing teacher, friend, coworker, sister, daughter, wife etc.
I am positive that when my kids grow up and are in school full time, I WILL miss this (cue Trace Adkins you’re gonna miss this) playing in the background…. And maybe there is someone peaking at my instagram posts of me and my girl wishing they had this. This season of my life is messy, long, exhausting, rewarding, and beautiful and while I may not have time to run any successful businesses while I am a full time mom to a feisty 2 old year, that’s okay because I am certain that I will NEVER look back on life and wish I worked more.
Hugs and virtual cheers to all the mamas/women/family/friends feeling conflicted in your current season of life. More people feel the same way as you than you’ll ever know. Let’s try to surround ourselves with gratitude and make sure you add in things you enjoy doing, that get you a little out of your mundane routine. For me it is crafting for a little creative outlet or getting out to the gym (pre-covid). Find what sparks some joy in you outside of everyday life and try and do more of it.
Also, if you want to feel better about your day…Here is my toddler friend losing her mind over not being able to eat marshmallows for lunch… Just a season my friends, just a season!